Man I suck at updating these things. I guess I blog when I have down time...so chances are, the happier/more fulfilled I am in my daily work, the less I am going to blog. Which implies that I'm in one of those "down seasons" with photography (and life).
I'm learning to embrace the ups and downs. This summer was a fantastic three-month period of constant shooting/creation/artistic and journalistic growth while I worked for the Naples Daily News. I entered this semester thinking that that season would just carry over, but life got in the way. I'm not shooting the way I was, but I'm not beating myself up over it. God wants me to use this time for other things...it's good to have the freedom to just go on a long bike ride or go pray in the woods. Truth and beauty is the fuel for good art...there are seasons where you need to get refueled.
The down seasons are always a challenge, though. I am not too good at being still. God's been teaching me (or re-teaching me, rather, since he taught me this last fall during my creative slump) that my self-worth is NOT wrapped up in what i do. Photography and journalism is very much part of who I am, but they aren't my identity. My identity is rooted in Christ; I am a child of God! Shooting more, shooting better, being constantly "inspired"...these things are all good, but they are not ends. God loves me just the same (which is a TON) when I'm not feeling productive.
Pat reminded me this week that I need to just stay on the path that God has put me on. I've been running around like a headless chicken, wondering if I'm cut out for a photojournalism career, trying to conjure up other career titles out of fear. But God has given me the passion, the talent, the opportunities, and a whole heck of a lot of amazing people. So I'm going to keep going for it...a photojournalism career...even though I don't have much photography to show for this particular season.
I'm excited to see what lessons God is teaching me this season.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
where did the semester go?
so the last few months since patagonia have been a blur, and i just haven't updated this. quite frankly i haven't made many pictures since patagonia. i've been playing around with my holga (birthday present from colleen) and polaroid, but i definitely haven't gotten around to developing film and/or scanning polaroids. i will soon, i promise.
patagonia...i can't even describe the immensity of this trip, and the hard fall afterwards. whenever i taste a little bit of heaven reality puts me in to a state of shock, and this april was particularly arduous. but patagonia...patagonia was one of those trips where I found Joy, and I haven't really reached that level of God-sent cheerfulness since then, though RUF Summer Conference really renewed my spirits. I don't think I've written about Patagonia because words can't describe the poetry and bliss of my experiences there...the quiet adventures, the rugged beauty of my surroundings, the simple joy of creating again...it was one of those times where the beautiful form trapped inside of my body escaped and expanded ever outwards. It was one of those times where I got outside of self...but not in a negative, detached way. it wasn't the dreadful kind of body/mind/spirit separation that comes during in tragedy or frustration...it was the blissful kind that comes when you are so naturally absorbed in being and meaning who you were supposed to be and mean that you forget that you used to try real hard to be and mean someone. the kind where you feel like every particle in your body is the same as all of the particles outside of your body; you are connected to everything in the universe and you are connected to God. You know and feel known by God. This is the closest I've felt to the garden before adam and eve were banished. The curse has not yet ruined my relationships. The curse has not yet made work toilsome and creating difficult.
when i think of patagonia, i remember the graveyard. where i lost myself to my art and to nature.
april was hard because anything less than that was so inferior. i had mono, school sucked, my family was really struggling, adventure was no longer built into my environment. i was constantly overwhelmed, stressed, bored, or idle. I've been thirsty for Joy again. Rest. I didn't really remember that Jesus said "Come you who are weary and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Or else I remembered but then denounced its truth and tried to be my own saviour. it really didn't work, either.
i'm moving on. by God's grace, I have a better conception of my total depravity and Jesus' total perfection. My sin and frustration and shame have been transfered to Jesus, and his obedience and glory have been transfered to me...and now I am a royal daughter of the King! I'm always going to sin and struggle, but the joy comes in knowing that I don't have to "figure it out" on earth and reach perfection now. Earth is just a drop of water in the vast ocean...and God has promised me a restored relationship with Him, with others, and with my photography and myself in heaven. All that is sad WILL come untrue...not now, but one day. And that happiness will be everlasting. and it's starting now...slowly. the whole 'already not yet' thing.
i'm too tired to write more, but i'll try to make things more cohesive later. i have a lot i'd like to say about creativity and my pursuit of photography and how i'm seeing it fit into the creation/fall/redemption/consummation theme. i took a covenant theology seminar at conference (and a heaven and hell seminar) and they were SO enlightening, especially applied to my work and my art. I'm really excited to see where God is taking me with this new understanding...
oh and i'll post pictures too. and i'll write more about my new job. ahhh so much to do....
patagonia...i can't even describe the immensity of this trip, and the hard fall afterwards. whenever i taste a little bit of heaven reality puts me in to a state of shock, and this april was particularly arduous. but patagonia...patagonia was one of those trips where I found Joy, and I haven't really reached that level of God-sent cheerfulness since then, though RUF Summer Conference really renewed my spirits. I don't think I've written about Patagonia because words can't describe the poetry and bliss of my experiences there...the quiet adventures, the rugged beauty of my surroundings, the simple joy of creating again...it was one of those times where the beautiful form trapped inside of my body escaped and expanded ever outwards. It was one of those times where I got outside of self...but not in a negative, detached way. it wasn't the dreadful kind of body/mind/spirit separation that comes during in tragedy or frustration...it was the blissful kind that comes when you are so naturally absorbed in being and meaning who you were supposed to be and mean that you forget that you used to try real hard to be and mean someone. the kind where you feel like every particle in your body is the same as all of the particles outside of your body; you are connected to everything in the universe and you are connected to God. You know and feel known by God. This is the closest I've felt to the garden before adam and eve were banished. The curse has not yet ruined my relationships. The curse has not yet made work toilsome and creating difficult.
when i think of patagonia, i remember the graveyard. where i lost myself to my art and to nature.
april was hard because anything less than that was so inferior. i had mono, school sucked, my family was really struggling, adventure was no longer built into my environment. i was constantly overwhelmed, stressed, bored, or idle. I've been thirsty for Joy again. Rest. I didn't really remember that Jesus said "Come you who are weary and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Or else I remembered but then denounced its truth and tried to be my own saviour. it really didn't work, either.
i'm moving on. by God's grace, I have a better conception of my total depravity and Jesus' total perfection. My sin and frustration and shame have been transfered to Jesus, and his obedience and glory have been transfered to me...and now I am a royal daughter of the King! I'm always going to sin and struggle, but the joy comes in knowing that I don't have to "figure it out" on earth and reach perfection now. Earth is just a drop of water in the vast ocean...and God has promised me a restored relationship with Him, with others, and with my photography and myself in heaven. All that is sad WILL come untrue...not now, but one day. And that happiness will be everlasting. and it's starting now...slowly. the whole 'already not yet' thing.
i'm too tired to write more, but i'll try to make things more cohesive later. i have a lot i'd like to say about creativity and my pursuit of photography and how i'm seeing it fit into the creation/fall/redemption/consummation theme. i took a covenant theology seminar at conference (and a heaven and hell seminar) and they were SO enlightening, especially applied to my work and my art. I'm really excited to see where God is taking me with this new understanding...
oh and i'll post pictures too. and i'll write more about my new job. ahhh so much to do....
Sunday, February 24, 2008
also last week
gah i'm roughly a week behind on this thing. here are some assorted pictures, mostly explosions in the sky. um, i need to go dig up more stuff on my computer.
so this week was crazy. most notably, i got an internship! doing "real" photojournalism! spent a lot of time with RUF girls. sweet community. got a lot of clarity, too.
okay enjoy!
so this week was crazy. most notably, i got an internship! doing "real" photojournalism! spent a lot of time with RUF girls. sweet community. got a lot of clarity, too.
okay enjoy!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
weekend
i had a photographic weekend, mainly b/c i took myself out of this environment (school) and enjoyed a change of scenery/change of age groups. mcpee came and took me to the ethereal cafe driade...in the woods. yay.
and i went home friday to be greeted by my crazy grandparents, great aunt, uncle and aunt, and two senile dogs. popcorn was burned (aka 'disintegrated), microwaves were cleaned by my obsessive grandmother (oh so adorable!), and grandpa just took it all in. i love families! sigh.
saturday i babysat...man, i could really make a living out of this (seriously!) it's really true to give is better than to receive...i'm so happy when serving these kids and their parents. and they give me great photos...so maybe i'm receiving more than i think...
and i went home friday to be greeted by my crazy grandparents, great aunt, uncle and aunt, and two senile dogs. popcorn was burned (aka 'disintegrated), microwaves were cleaned by my obsessive grandmother (oh so adorable!), and grandpa just took it all in. i love families! sigh.
saturday i babysat...man, i could really make a living out of this (seriously!) it's really true to give is better than to receive...i'm so happy when serving these kids and their parents. and they give me great photos...so maybe i'm receiving more than i think...
Friday, February 15, 2008
lagging
notable events this week:
-we got a hamster
-i had amazing fellowship this weekend with kathy and julia and other folks that i haven't seen as frequently as would like
-i had a portfolio review and got a lot of good advice/direction
-smoked more hookah on friday/had a night out
-discovered an affinity for modeling in studio class....hahaha
unfortunately, i only had my camera with me for some of those things. enjoy...
I'm a bit behind on updating this, let alone shooting. I have a couple of polaroids laying on my dresser that need to be scanned. The novelty of the semester is wearing off, admittedly, and it's seeping into my art. I'm going to actively counteract this...I'd like to simply "play" more and bring my camera with me.
I've had a lot of clarity in the past two weeks as to how I'd like to spend my last semesters here at Carolina. And what it means to be a Christian woman in photojournalism. Some pretty cool stuff...I'm excited. Expect a more detailed post later. I need to go find more pictures.
-we got a hamster
-i had amazing fellowship this weekend with kathy and julia and other folks that i haven't seen as frequently as would like
-i had a portfolio review and got a lot of good advice/direction
-smoked more hookah on friday/had a night out
-discovered an affinity for modeling in studio class....hahaha
unfortunately, i only had my camera with me for some of those things. enjoy...
I'm a bit behind on updating this, let alone shooting. I have a couple of polaroids laying on my dresser that need to be scanned. The novelty of the semester is wearing off, admittedly, and it's seeping into my art. I'm going to actively counteract this...I'd like to simply "play" more and bring my camera with me.
I've had a lot of clarity in the past two weeks as to how I'd like to spend my last semesters here at Carolina. And what it means to be a Christian woman in photojournalism. Some pretty cool stuff...I'm excited. Expect a more detailed post later. I need to go find more pictures.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
back from cincy
so andrew dally and i traveled to cincinnati for the (late) weekend to take pictures, make video interviews, and generally frolic through the city. paid by school. it was a really good, uplifting experience. travel is stressful (airports) but the positives outweigh the negatives, at least in this stage of life. and to travel for photography is delight. i realized that one reason why i love this profession so much is because i get to meet other people and make new friends: on the other side of the camera and alongside of me on the production side of things. harry benson said that he prefers traveling alone when doing his photography; i prefer the opposite. maybe it's because i've haven't yet had a bad partner.
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