I prayed this afternoon, in twilight frustration about my REM-interrupted, apathetic, isolated, no-good day, that God would show me the work that he would have me do.
This is it: what I am doing right now. My work is to remember God’s grace, God’s love, and how he has manifested Himself through so many people…in my weaknesses and strengths. I haven’t gotten through the last four years because I am strong. I haven’t forged lasting friendships because I am perfect. I haven’t found a major or passion because I am clever and industrious. I am about to graduate the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill because I am LOVED by a HUGE and GLORIOUS King, Redeemer, and Friend!!!!
God couldn’t have made this more evident to me in the manner that He chose. Of course I would have come to the RUF Banquet kicking and screaming, grumbling some jibberish about how “no one knows me” and thinking myself “past” RUF. Of course I wouldn’t have decided on my own strength, “Yes, this would be a lovely thing for me to do in which I will encounter God’s faithfulness to me through the years.” That isn’t my history. God has always used my weaknesses to the very fullest to teach me bigger lessons about Himself.
While at the RUF Senior Banquet I was well aware of my failures; I was not like Bethany- I had not been faithful to RUF through the years…I mean, from my very first day I was running away, not towards, large group and organized activities. When Ben was fired I grew frustrated and disillusioned and bitter. I harbored all sorts of bad fruit. I missed out on opportunities to draw near to folks—I ate with Rebecca just once or twice, and never have I done anything with Hannah Hoffman one-on-one. When I dated Mike I wilted and withdrew from community. I have not always loved Julia; I have been super-frustrated with her for MONTHS, and she was right in saying that our friendship was “stretching” (yet so so fruitful!) Yet these failures don’t crush me before God; Christ really has nailed them to the cross, been scorned for them, bled for them, killed for them, and RAISED in spite of them! I could stand in that room, loved and valued by RUFers not because I was perfect, but because every promise in Jesus is “Yes” and “Amen” and one of those promises is to use even Courtney Potter’s smallest acts of (unconscious) faith to spread His glory to others. That’s why person after person could raise their hand and share with me meaningful ways—both small and HUGE—that God had used me in their lives. It’s incredible. It’s absolutely incredible that this flighty, emotional, noncommittal, doubting woman could make a difference in the lives of people around her. God used me? ME????? But it’s not incredible in the sense that Jesus promised this would happen.
And that’s what I mean when I say the RUF Senior Banquet was a foretaste of heaven. When I die and ascend to glory, I will remember all those hard lessons that I had to learn on earth; I will remember my failures and mistakes. But that sin and weakness will no longer crush me the way it can on earth. I will not be ashamed not because those sins are small but because Christ will be VISIBLE, and that visibility will cover all of my darkness. On earth I am sinner saved by grace, and in heaven I will still be a sinner saved by grace. And I will see all the other ways that God used me to love others and make His glory known that went unrecognized by myself or others on earth. I will not forget my past; no, my memory of my past will be magnified in the presence of Christ. Does not darkness’ very presence provide a contrast for light, making the final painting that much more stunning?
Lord- thank you for your faithfulness to me. Thank you for fulfilling your promise to use me. I really am a jar of clay, and you really are the Maker! And what you have made is good. I praise you for the works of your hands!
I am so encouraged and refreshed right now. So motivated to continue the difficult, threateningly dangerous battle of “working out my salvation in fear and trembling.” God has brought me so so so far and will bring me yet farther.
It’s funny and humbling when you think about the ways I was used to bless others. Elly said I blessed her when I said that I don’t shave my legs because I’m practicing self-confidence. How could not shaving my legs be a BLESSING to others? That’s crazy. We’re talking about leg-hair, here. But this lifted her spirits and encouraged her to not worry about outward appearances and man’s thoughts when what God thinks of you is the only thing that really matters. Hannah said I’m like a big sister to her, yet I didn’t “pursue” her with the fervor and devotion with which I have pursued other friendships. Quentin said he communes with God and prays because I share my struggles so much; if I didn’t struggle openly, he wouldn’t have prayed. Okay, so God uses my SIN then! To benefit others and get them to talk to Him. That’s even weirder than the leg-hair thing. Julia said I blessed her the first week of school when she was “catatonic” and I took her out to Fosters for lunch. She said she didn’t remember a word I said, but that it spoke mountains to her. This may be the weirdest of them all! It means that God didn’t use my well-crafted words in that instance. But He still used me to love Julia and bring glory to His name!
Folks said I was organic, spiritual, genuine, different in thinking and dress, honest, imperfect, sincere in my love for God and my openness for Him to work in my life. That’s really really cool. For anyone who didn’t know me before freshmen year of college—this description is a TOTAL makeover, from the inside-out. In high school I was limited and closed rather than organic; over-analytical rather than spiritual, intense rather than genuine; conformist in thought and dress rather than expressive; striving for perfection rather than honest about my imperfections, absent in love for God or others, and scared of letting Him in. HOLY CRAP. This isn’t superficial. God’s working in my life—God’s grace—has caused me to realize on every level the freedom that I have in Christ. I am me—organic, genuine, emotionally volatile, different, etc.—because I am free in Christ to be that. He is shaping me into the beautiful woman that He has made me to be, and I can boast in His work. I look at myself and I have pride—not because I did it, but because God is writing my story, and He is the best story-teller.
And now college is coming to end. It was the last day of class. It was my last RUF event. And now I am sprawled, half-naked, on the rug in my crazy grafitti-walled apartment, listening to Iron and Wine as I beat on the broken keyboard of my old laptop, which has been with me for these last four years for acts of worship such as this one. What was my work for today? To go to the RUF Senior Banquet and hear how God has used my in others’ lives. To worship God at 10:52 pm on my rug, responding to the fiery impulse inside of my heart to write to Him in humility and sincere thankfulness.
thank you.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
unintentional poem
i wrote this in response to a silly online personality quiz question (where you jot down your thoughts in thirty seconds when shown a nifty painting). i found the sheet and forgot what it was for a moment. this is what i noted word for word, spacing and all, which is kind of funny in hindsight:
sky, like earth
creation
egypt and all the
world
earth colors
pool
ancient
okay so it's not really good but oh well.
thoughts/aspirations of the day:
--i want my photographs to become more like words, and I want my words to become more like photographs.
--comics are a lot like photo stories. read (receive/perceive) this sweet book
--anime is kick-ass.
--i'm going to watch unico tonight. need to rewatch princess mononoke.
--i've been reading about anime for my visual culture class and had one of those moments today where i got excited about the vast vast vast vast vast x infinity amount of knowledge/creation in the world! there's this whole unexplored area expression like anime/cyberpunk/comics/graffiti that i don't really know a thing about and couldn't possibly absorb 5% of it in my entire lifetime.
--apparently i'm an innovater. that's what the personality test said, and we all know personality tests are infallible.
--closure is a concept storytellers know how to exploit. didn't realize this.
--I want to be a better storyteller.
come to open eye tonight to hang out!!!!
sky, like earth
creation
egypt and all the
world
earth colors
pool
ancient
okay so it's not really good but oh well.
thoughts/aspirations of the day:
--i want my photographs to become more like words, and I want my words to become more like photographs.
--comics are a lot like photo stories. read (receive/perceive) this sweet book
--anime is kick-ass.
--i'm going to watch unico tonight. need to rewatch princess mononoke.
--i've been reading about anime for my visual culture class and had one of those moments today where i got excited about the vast vast vast vast vast x infinity amount of knowledge/creation in the world! there's this whole unexplored area expression like anime/cyberpunk/comics/graffiti that i don't really know a thing about and couldn't possibly absorb 5% of it in my entire lifetime.
--apparently i'm an innovater. that's what the personality test said, and we all know personality tests are infallible.
--closure is a concept storytellers know how to exploit. didn't realize this.
--I want to be a better storyteller.
come to open eye tonight to hang out!!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Do you want to be healed?
“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’”
Courtney, do you want to get well? Answer this, honestly.
Here’s what I want healing for:
A healed mind. Where I can sleep at night and not have my mind racing about things I need to do or did that day. The ability to stop thinking about food. The ability to be fully me before my Mom and unashamed; to cry withher and talk with her and embrace her. To be real together. The ability to stop sinning. To not even have a dirty thought enter my head. To not despair. For despair to be so far from me that I can’t remember the days of darkness, of freshman year, of last semester, the sleepless nights where all I can do is groan. To not have to grasp grasp grasp for jesus each morning because I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to be in glory, to be in your presence. To not have to descend to earth’s mediocrity. To not settle. To truly KNOW, from my earlobes to my pinky toe, that I am forgiven; that freshman year’s angry outbursts are wiped away, that last week’s selfish ambition is erased, the way the shore smooths over stones,to not be so into myself when other people are talking; to want to listen to others always and DELIGHTING in this. To be so open and vulnerable, the way a naked woman is before her husband; to be open to God’s intimate leading, his exciting adventure for me. To not want control over my life, but to yield it all to Him. (it’s funny, because deep down photojournalism the Career-the Title-the Status isn’t anywhere in my deepest desires).
But this is what is:
I would like to do things without exalting those things…I would like to be able to take pictures without exalting myself and FORGETTING my status as a child of the king. I want to be able to remember the things I forgot before the fall…how to walk on water, that I am valued because God is my Father, how to sense the emotions of the angels, how to climb trees and jump into the water thousands of feet below without being smashed against the rocks, how to speak in ancient tongues, how to have faith like a little child, how to let my imagination run run run unfettered, how to create stories upon stories, how to dance before nations and tribes without self-consciousness, how to hunger after food that is not sweet or artificial, but nourishing and that tastiest food I could ever imagine, how to daydream and not feel guilty about “wasting time” because there will be everlasting time and no minutes will ever be wasted “doing nothing” because there is all the time in the world, to be able to time-travel and tesseract, to visit other planets, to read and learn forever.
I want healing from short-sightedness. I am spiritually blind; I cannot see what I once saw, before the Fall of Man. I want healing from spiritual paralysis; I cannot walk on water, I cannot dance the tango with my Lord; I cannot even touch Him without shriveling and dying of fright; I want healing for my spiritual psychosis; I have a mental disease that makes me hunger after temporary, moldy bread of this world and it makes my stomach reject Real Food, True Bread. And what I need healing from the most is that I CHOSE these afflictions. When standing at the crossroads of Everlasting Life, Extended Rest, Joyful Singing, Art and Imagination, The Best School Ever, and then the road of Destruction, Half-ness, Decay, Impermanence, Instant Gratification, I chose the lesser path. It’s my fault. “Although I knew god, I neither glorified him nor gave thanks to him, and my thinking became futile and my foolish heart was darkened” (Romans 1:21).
So while that question, “Do you want to be healed,” seemed distant and strange to me at first, when I’m honest with myself my heart and body scream YES YES YES I want healing!!!!
And Jesus’ response to the paralyzed man, and to me?
“Get up. Pick up your mat and walk.”
Pick up all those earthly lackings that shackle you: peel away your spiritual maladies, the way you could old scabs, and watch the skin regenerate before your very eyes. All those sins that so easily entangle you daily and burden you down, just cast them aside. They’re not as heavy as you think, Courtney. Your short-sightedness, your despair, your spiritual paralysis, your inability to do the things of Paradise—unpeel them, pick them up, and put them at my Feet. And then walk—with new eyes, with a renewed mind. You can do the impossible things because I say so. But without my calling, you can do none of this.
And then:
“See, you are well again. Stop sinning.”
Praise God!!! This morning I am well. And with each encounter with Jesus, he reminds me, “See, you are well again.” He has promised me complete healing, a bodily resurrection. And I anxiously await for the day where I can soar on the wings of the angel s and can actually feel their multi-colored feathers—adorned with honeysuckle and lilac and precious gems—with my fingertips.
“Oh, the depth of the riches of
the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable h
is judgments, and his paths beyond tracing
out!
Who has known the mind of
The Lord?
Or who has been his
Counselor?
Who has ever give to God,
That god should repay him?
For from him and through him
And to him are all
Things.
To him be the glory forever!
Amen!”
Sunday, April 19, 2009
it's love, that's it.
the gospel is really simple. when asked to analyze all the old rules and laws and regulations, all the should's and shouldn'ts and shalt's and shall not's, Jesus tells the people that really all God desires is that we love Him and love others. That's it.
it's not easy...Jesus says you have to do this with your whole heart, mind, soul, body--loving God and loving people involves the whole self. how often do I not do this? my body language, even, is usually one of impatience...wanting the speaker to get on with it because I want my turn or I want to leave or something.
the cool thing is, Jesus gives me this love! everything I need to enter into this whole "love" thing, Jesus offers me freely.
after church today a bunch of us were sitting around teresa's house, eating her amazing cuisine, and discussing everything from odessa to national geographic to today's sermon (on roman's 14-the main point being, don't judge others. we all have differences, we can be different but still in the same family; it's not about following rules...it's about following JESUS, who is the only one who can judge). elly commented at one point that though it's cool when whole nations convert to christianity (we were discussing how former chinese communist rulers are suddenly believing in Jesus), she is wary when people put their trust in the SYSTEMS to change you rather than the SAVIOUR. It's not about getting the right ideas or laws or truths or beliefs or whatever. The only truth you need to get down is that Jesus changes hearts. real people.
anyways, i was just really encouraged today. I felt this huge weight lift--a self-imposed weight that i've been carrying around, trying to follow my own standards of righteousness, forgetting that Jesus has already imputed me with his perfect obedience, his righteousness.
it's not easy...Jesus says you have to do this with your whole heart, mind, soul, body--loving God and loving people involves the whole self. how often do I not do this? my body language, even, is usually one of impatience...wanting the speaker to get on with it because I want my turn or I want to leave or something.
the cool thing is, Jesus gives me this love! everything I need to enter into this whole "love" thing, Jesus offers me freely.
after church today a bunch of us were sitting around teresa's house, eating her amazing cuisine, and discussing everything from odessa to national geographic to today's sermon (on roman's 14-the main point being, don't judge others. we all have differences, we can be different but still in the same family; it's not about following rules...it's about following JESUS, who is the only one who can judge). elly commented at one point that though it's cool when whole nations convert to christianity (we were discussing how former chinese communist rulers are suddenly believing in Jesus), she is wary when people put their trust in the SYSTEMS to change you rather than the SAVIOUR. It's not about getting the right ideas or laws or truths or beliefs or whatever. The only truth you need to get down is that Jesus changes hearts. real people.
anyways, i was just really encouraged today. I felt this huge weight lift--a self-imposed weight that i've been carrying around, trying to follow my own standards of righteousness, forgetting that Jesus has already imputed me with his perfect obedience, his righteousness.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
what is neighbor love?
have been thinking a lot about the command to "love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself."
In my feeble attempts to follow this command, God has been showing me
a) how much I don't naturally love my neighbors
b) how much attention/love/service I naturally demand from others
I take so much for granted! I have been driving all over God's green earth this week and last working on a photo story, but as soon as friends asked me to drive them an hour away my immediate reaction was, "heck no! I don't have time! i don't want to drive you, I just want to drive myself everywhere." gross. I repented and apologized to Brooke, and now I'm experiencing the joy of God filling my heart with HIS love. I don't think you can experience this joy unless you realize the crapiness or your own heart and beg God to take it away. There isn't room in a dirty closet for new clothes. The cool thing was I didn't expect God to make me JOYFUL about serving my sister, but He is doing that!
In contemplating points a) and b) above, I started making a list of all the ways people have served me at UNC (at my conscious and subconscious demand), to this very moment. It's crazy. Here are some ways, big and small:
1) relatives letting me stay at their homes on numerous occasions when my family was in the process of moving to N.C.
2) Nate C. letting me use his driveway for like two months to park my car freshman year
3) Pat giving me countless photo edits, at my demand. He even came into school one day on his day OFF to edit my stuff! (and i attribute contest prizes to myself. yeah right...it's SO not me.)
4) Chris C, Cassie B. and lots of photo students volunteering their time with 37th Frame this year---and they didn't get credit. I was partially motivated by the "status" of being curator--at least I get a few thanks at the end. They joyfully helped out, not expecting to get anything in return. That is huge. I am humbled and so very grateful
5) elby and dhivya comforting me when I was moody and crying during the whole mike saga. They were always quick to listen, even though i wasn't fun, and slow to judge. I would have laughed at myself.
6) brooke, laura fletcher, ben inman, byron peters, erin coomer, girls at community group, john r., kathy herington, and countless countless brothers and sisters in Christ SO quick and willing to care for me spiritually. quick to pray for me, quick to carry my burdens, quick to cry with me and for me, quick to be jesus INCARNATE. i've demanded prayers and support SO much, and just expected it! I want to be quick to love others the way these folks loved me.
7) architects building libraries and coffeeshops for me to study in. seriously! you never really think about it, but i take it for granted that people will do what they love to do in order to serve my building/creative/studying needs. i'm glad architects studied at school. i'm glad art historians wrote books for me to use to write papers. I can't attribute an "A" to myself...if they hadn't written the books, i wouldn't know squat. something to chew on.
8) photo story subjects letting me just invade their lives, interrupt things, ask them to, you know, just bare their souls in front of the camera and recorder. I often feel like these amazing people are serving me more than I am serving them!!! They are allowing me to do what I LOVE and to grow and experiment as a photographer. They give me creative space! so thanks to Chief Henry and fam, Bobby Hill and fam, the Sexton crew and the whole neighborhood, Cristina in Patagonia and fam, all the boarding school kids in Chile, the capoeirstas in Naples, all the kids i've babysat and photographed, hookah bliss folks, eco-institute folks, holy cow the list goes on foreveeeeeeeeeerrrrrr. so many people I am thankful for!!!!
9) mom and dad doing my laundry, giving me food, making me dinner, making doctors appointments for me, talking on the phone when I need them. I'd like to think that I serve my parents, but really they still serve me in HUGE ways. it blows me away, and really humbles me because I am not as quick to serve them. I want to be though!
10) sisters' older friends letting me be their little sister, too, when I am especially needy. gchats and aim talks and bedside talks.
11) people who make me coffee. heck, people who pick the coffee beans in south america. And i just expect them to do this for me. all hell would break loose if they stopped picking coffee and i couldn't be caffeinated! when you really think about how much WORK goes into enjoying a single product....it's crazy. let's take a salad and go backwards. students washed the leaves and put the spinach in the bowl together, they prayed over the food before I consumed it. teresa bought the salad from the farmer's market and refrigerated it and made sure it was fresh. people sold it at the farmers' market on saturday. farmers grew the spinach and they probably prayed over their crops, too. and i don't even know what happens before that. so much love and hard, physical work goes into my enjoying a single salad. okay i'm really rambling now, but what would happen if I thought about every object this way? a work of art? a table? a water bottle I borrowed from Lydia Friz like eight years ago and never returned? woooooooowwwwww i take so much for granted
12) IT guys in the j-school who let me check out laptops like every other week. and i demand this! i would flip out if they didn't serve me. wow. so thankful.
13) teachers writing recommendations at the LAST MINUTE so i can go to the Galapagos Islands or Patagonia or who knows where.
14) teachers giving me extensions when I am sick, giving me grace when I am worn out and depressed or sleepless. grace grace grace grace.
15) even in my play---people who actually hang out with me when I am bored and call them, using them because i am bored and don't want to feel bored.
16) financial aid giving me loan money and need money. Even though they can't get their crap together sometimes (says our graffiti wall), they still give me money and i can go to school and do cool things with it. blesssssinnngggggggs
17) parents being more proud of my accomplishments than their own. celebrating with me when good stuff happens. wow. i don't know if care MORE for others' accomplishments than my own. even though i've already established here that my accomplishments are never truly "mine."
18) people bringing buckets and djembes and letting me use them to make music on franklin. service in creativity. would never do that alone, can't do it alone!
19) people being patient with me when I am flaky (which is a lot) and back out on plans because I want to do what I want (which is a lot). wow. how do people put up with me?
20) friends who email me asking me how they can pray for me. unsolicited. that's love.
okay, so that's it for now. i could keep going. what are things ya'll can think of? it's kind of fun to realize how much work and love go into a single product for YOUR use and enjoyment. we really are still kids...don't know if we ever grow out of our natural inclination to want and expect people to do things for us. i want to give back though, i really do want to learn how to love with the love I've been shown.
--cpot
In my feeble attempts to follow this command, God has been showing me
a) how much I don't naturally love my neighbors
b) how much attention/love/service I naturally demand from others
I take so much for granted! I have been driving all over God's green earth this week and last working on a photo story, but as soon as friends asked me to drive them an hour away my immediate reaction was, "heck no! I don't have time! i don't want to drive you, I just want to drive myself everywhere." gross. I repented and apologized to Brooke, and now I'm experiencing the joy of God filling my heart with HIS love. I don't think you can experience this joy unless you realize the crapiness or your own heart and beg God to take it away. There isn't room in a dirty closet for new clothes. The cool thing was I didn't expect God to make me JOYFUL about serving my sister, but He is doing that!
In contemplating points a) and b) above, I started making a list of all the ways people have served me at UNC (at my conscious and subconscious demand), to this very moment. It's crazy. Here are some ways, big and small:
1) relatives letting me stay at their homes on numerous occasions when my family was in the process of moving to N.C.
2) Nate C. letting me use his driveway for like two months to park my car freshman year
3) Pat giving me countless photo edits, at my demand. He even came into school one day on his day OFF to edit my stuff! (and i attribute contest prizes to myself. yeah right...it's SO not me.)
4) Chris C, Cassie B. and lots of photo students volunteering their time with 37th Frame this year---and they didn't get credit. I was partially motivated by the "status" of being curator--at least I get a few thanks at the end. They joyfully helped out, not expecting to get anything in return. That is huge. I am humbled and so very grateful
5) elby and dhivya comforting me when I was moody and crying during the whole mike saga. They were always quick to listen, even though i wasn't fun, and slow to judge. I would have laughed at myself.
6) brooke, laura fletcher, ben inman, byron peters, erin coomer, girls at community group, john r., kathy herington, and countless countless brothers and sisters in Christ SO quick and willing to care for me spiritually. quick to pray for me, quick to carry my burdens, quick to cry with me and for me, quick to be jesus INCARNATE. i've demanded prayers and support SO much, and just expected it! I want to be quick to love others the way these folks loved me.
7) architects building libraries and coffeeshops for me to study in. seriously! you never really think about it, but i take it for granted that people will do what they love to do in order to serve my building/creative/studying needs. i'm glad architects studied at school. i'm glad art historians wrote books for me to use to write papers. I can't attribute an "A" to myself...if they hadn't written the books, i wouldn't know squat. something to chew on.
8) photo story subjects letting me just invade their lives, interrupt things, ask them to, you know, just bare their souls in front of the camera and recorder. I often feel like these amazing people are serving me more than I am serving them!!! They are allowing me to do what I LOVE and to grow and experiment as a photographer. They give me creative space! so thanks to Chief Henry and fam, Bobby Hill and fam, the Sexton crew and the whole neighborhood, Cristina in Patagonia and fam, all the boarding school kids in Chile, the capoeirstas in Naples, all the kids i've babysat and photographed, hookah bliss folks, eco-institute folks, holy cow the list goes on foreveeeeeeeeeerrrrrr. so many people I am thankful for!!!!
9) mom and dad doing my laundry, giving me food, making me dinner, making doctors appointments for me, talking on the phone when I need them. I'd like to think that I serve my parents, but really they still serve me in HUGE ways. it blows me away, and really humbles me because I am not as quick to serve them. I want to be though!
10) sisters' older friends letting me be their little sister, too, when I am especially needy. gchats and aim talks and bedside talks.
11) people who make me coffee. heck, people who pick the coffee beans in south america. And i just expect them to do this for me. all hell would break loose if they stopped picking coffee and i couldn't be caffeinated! when you really think about how much WORK goes into enjoying a single product....it's crazy. let's take a salad and go backwards. students washed the leaves and put the spinach in the bowl together, they prayed over the food before I consumed it. teresa bought the salad from the farmer's market and refrigerated it and made sure it was fresh. people sold it at the farmers' market on saturday. farmers grew the spinach and they probably prayed over their crops, too. and i don't even know what happens before that. so much love and hard, physical work goes into my enjoying a single salad. okay i'm really rambling now, but what would happen if I thought about every object this way? a work of art? a table? a water bottle I borrowed from Lydia Friz like eight years ago and never returned? woooooooowwwwww i take so much for granted
12) IT guys in the j-school who let me check out laptops like every other week. and i demand this! i would flip out if they didn't serve me. wow. so thankful.
13) teachers writing recommendations at the LAST MINUTE so i can go to the Galapagos Islands or Patagonia or who knows where.
14) teachers giving me extensions when I am sick, giving me grace when I am worn out and depressed or sleepless. grace grace grace grace.
15) even in my play---people who actually hang out with me when I am bored and call them, using them because i am bored and don't want to feel bored.
16) financial aid giving me loan money and need money. Even though they can't get their crap together sometimes (says our graffiti wall), they still give me money and i can go to school and do cool things with it. blesssssinnngggggggs
17) parents being more proud of my accomplishments than their own. celebrating with me when good stuff happens. wow. i don't know if care MORE for others' accomplishments than my own. even though i've already established here that my accomplishments are never truly "mine."
18) people bringing buckets and djembes and letting me use them to make music on franklin. service in creativity. would never do that alone, can't do it alone!
19) people being patient with me when I am flaky (which is a lot) and back out on plans because I want to do what I want (which is a lot). wow. how do people put up with me?
20) friends who email me asking me how they can pray for me. unsolicited. that's love.
okay, so that's it for now. i could keep going. what are things ya'll can think of? it's kind of fun to realize how much work and love go into a single product for YOUR use and enjoyment. we really are still kids...don't know if we ever grow out of our natural inclination to want and expect people to do things for us. i want to give back though, i really do want to learn how to love with the love I've been shown.
--cpot
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
