what is neighbor love?

have been thinking a lot about the command to "love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself."

In my feeble attempts to follow this command, God has been showing me
a) how much I don't naturally love my neighbors
b) how much attention/love/service I naturally demand from others

I take so much for granted! I have been driving all over God's green earth this week and last working on a photo story, but as soon as friends asked me to drive them an hour away my immediate reaction was, "heck no! I don't have time! i don't want to drive you, I just want to drive myself everywhere." gross. I repented and apologized to Brooke, and now I'm experiencing the joy of God filling my heart with HIS love. I don't think you can experience this joy unless you realize the crapiness or your own heart and beg God to take it away. There isn't room in a dirty closet for new clothes. The cool thing was I didn't expect God to make me JOYFUL about serving my sister, but He is doing that!

In contemplating points a) and b) above, I started making a list of all the ways people have served me at UNC (at my conscious and subconscious demand), to this very moment. It's crazy. Here are some ways, big and small:

1) relatives letting me stay at their homes on numerous occasions when my family was in the process of moving to N.C.

2) Nate C. letting me use his driveway for like two months to park my car freshman year

3) Pat giving me countless photo edits, at my demand. He even came into school one day on his day OFF to edit my stuff! (and i attribute contest prizes to myself. yeah right...it's SO not me.)

4) Chris C, Cassie B. and lots of photo students volunteering their time with 37th Frame this year---and they didn't get credit. I was partially motivated by the "status" of being curator--at least I get a few thanks at the end. They joyfully helped out, not expecting to get anything in return. That is huge. I am humbled and so very grateful

5) elby and dhivya comforting me when I was moody and crying during the whole mike saga. They were always quick to listen, even though i wasn't fun, and slow to judge. I would have laughed at myself.

6) brooke, laura fletcher, ben inman, byron peters, erin coomer, girls at community group, john r., kathy herington, and countless countless brothers and sisters in Christ SO quick and willing to care for me spiritually. quick to pray for me, quick to carry my burdens, quick to cry with me and for me, quick to be jesus INCARNATE. i've demanded prayers and support SO much, and just expected it! I want to be quick to love others the way these folks loved me.

7) architects building libraries and coffeeshops for me to study in. seriously! you never really think about it, but i take it for granted that people will do what they love to do in order to serve my building/creative/studying needs. i'm glad architects studied at school. i'm glad art historians wrote books for me to use to write papers. I can't attribute an "A" to myself...if they hadn't written the books, i wouldn't know squat. something to chew on.

8) photo story subjects letting me just invade their lives, interrupt things, ask them to, you know, just bare their souls in front of the camera and recorder. I often feel like these amazing people are serving me more than I am serving them!!! They are allowing me to do what I LOVE and to grow and experiment as a photographer. They give me creative space! so thanks to Chief Henry and fam, Bobby Hill and fam, the Sexton crew and the whole neighborhood, Cristina in Patagonia and fam, all the boarding school kids in Chile, the capoeirstas in Naples, all the kids i've babysat and photographed, hookah bliss folks, eco-institute folks, holy cow the list goes on foreveeeeeeeeeerrrrrr. so many people I am thankful for!!!!

9) mom and dad doing my laundry, giving me food, making me dinner, making doctors appointments for me, talking on the phone when I need them. I'd like to think that I serve my parents, but really they still serve me in HUGE ways. it blows me away, and really humbles me because I am not as quick to serve them. I want to be though!

10) sisters' older friends letting me be their little sister, too, when I am especially needy. gchats and aim talks and bedside talks.

11) people who make me coffee. heck, people who pick the coffee beans in south america. And i just expect them to do this for me. all hell would break loose if they stopped picking coffee and i couldn't be caffeinated! when you really think about how much WORK goes into enjoying a single product....it's crazy. let's take a salad and go backwards. students washed the leaves and put the spinach in the bowl together, they prayed over the food before I consumed it. teresa bought the salad from the farmer's market and refrigerated it and made sure it was fresh. people sold it at the farmers' market on saturday. farmers grew the spinach and they probably prayed over their crops, too. and i don't even know what happens before that. so much love and hard, physical work goes into my enjoying a single salad. okay i'm really rambling now, but what would happen if I thought about every object this way? a work of art? a table? a water bottle I borrowed from Lydia Friz like eight years ago and never returned? woooooooowwwwww i take so much for granted

12) IT guys in the j-school who let me check out laptops like every other week. and i demand this! i would flip out if they didn't serve me. wow. so thankful.

13) teachers writing recommendations at the LAST MINUTE so i can go to the Galapagos Islands or Patagonia or who knows where.

14) teachers giving me extensions when I am sick, giving me grace when I am worn out and depressed or sleepless. grace grace grace grace.

15) even in my play---people who actually hang out with me when I am bored and call them, using them because i am bored and don't want to feel bored.

16) financial aid giving me loan money and need money. Even though they can't get their crap together sometimes (says our graffiti wall), they still give me money and i can go to school and do cool things with it. blesssssinnngggggggs

17) parents being more proud of my accomplishments than their own. celebrating with me when good stuff happens. wow. i don't know if care MORE for others' accomplishments than my own. even though i've already established here that my accomplishments are never truly "mine."

18) people bringing buckets and djembes and letting me use them to make music on franklin. service in creativity. would never do that alone, can't do it alone!

19) people being patient with me when I am flaky (which is a lot) and back out on plans because I want to do what I want (which is a lot). wow. how do people put up with me?

20) friends who email me asking me how they can pray for me. unsolicited. that's love.

okay, so that's it for now. i could keep going. what are things ya'll can think of? it's kind of fun to realize how much work and love go into a single product for YOUR use and enjoyment. we really are still kids...don't know if we ever grow out of our natural inclination to want and expect people to do things for us. i want to give back though, i really do want to learn how to love with the love I've been shown.

--cpot